Many people wish their lives were better from where they currently reside, and if they were only given an opportunity to make things different in their life, they would jump at the offer. Then there are other people who believe that if they had enough money, it would fix every problem that they are currently having and life would be so much easier. They could finally live the life that they are imagining in their head, “where all is merry and bright”. Unfortunately, there is too much evidence that points us away from these pseudo illusions that begin with the phrases of “if I can just achieve, gain, or have _________ (fill in the blank), my life would be better”. Sadly, these phrases have proven to only keep people’s lives in bondage to their imagination and locked into society’s value system. No person, object, or amount of money can fill any void or pain that you carry in life. The only thing that these items can do is dress up whatever voids and pain you are trying to conceal, until the very tangible things you obtain are encompassed by the same voids and pain you tried to fill, which has now caused an even greater problem in your life.

There is no escaping pain in this life. All voids must be filled.

Whatever you choose to not heal in this life will unfortunately have power over your life and with power comes rulership. This is a truth that many individuals do not like to acknowledge, however the principle remains true. When you choose to not deal with pain, you give the pain permission to rule over your choices, mind, and behavior, which affects everyone and everything that you encounter. Pain is a disease that if not healed, will be passed on to your children, spouse, friends, co-workers, and other innocent bystanders that you interact with daily. For this reason, we all must change our way of thinking about pain, and assess each area of our lives daily, to ensure that we are in a conscious state of healing the areas that are malfunctioning, wounded, and fractured in our lives. No, this is not an easy task, however it is a requirement for each of us, in order to regain the power back over our mind, body, emotions, behavior, and choices.

The only way voids can be filled and dismantled is with honesty. Many of us have convinced ourselves that the voids we are experiencing are a result of lack; however, I would like to offer a broader truth that is often overlooked. Internal voids are not only due to lack of external sources or disappointments from people, but they are also due to the lies that we tell ourselves, about ourselves, which keeps us in a consistent cycle of pain. People who do not like to deal with their problems and pain, have a certain communication style that is a mixture of pessimism and optimism, followed with the emotional undertones of confusion, anger, envy, and inflexibility, that are reflective in their behavior. This is often caused by their desire to stay in control, shift the responsibility of their problems to another, or to stay in denial of their dysfunction due to its comfortability. Our language reflects our thoughts, which are both displayed in our external behavior. For example, common phrases that one may hear, which can be indicators of a person who does not want to deal with their pain or know how to deal with their pain, consist of “I’m just hoping things will get better”, “I’m just going to keep praying about it”, “It is what it is”, “ I’m just going to go with the flow”, “ Please pray for me”. These phrases are often used when an individual has no idea how to handle pain, situations, and life, which is a recipe for staying stuck in a powerless position and hoping that someone you meet will rescue you from life’s troubles.

Unfortunately, there is no one coming to physically rescue you from the pain and voids you are experiencing. They belong to you, even though many of them may not have been caused by you. This is why it is essential that each of us begin to do the independent work that is required, in order to heal, rise, and thrive to the healthiest versions of ourselves. If we do not, healthy people that come into your life will leave and unhealthy people will stay. You may be thinking, “why”? Unhealthy people are extremely difficult to remove out of your life, because they feed on dishonesty, minimization, and confusion in order to stay in control. Healthy people thrive on honesty, clarity, and maximization, because their nature is freedom. Our life only yields the fruit from the soil we are planted within and until we are committed to the process of healing, learning, developing, seeking truth, and walking righteously. Our life will consistently be in a cycle of disappointment, discouragement, stress, anxiety, regret, confusion, harm, doubt, and even torment.

Pain is a part of the human experience, however the way we eliminate pain determines our quality of life and many of us are not experiencing the life that we want or envisioned due to not understanding the messages that pain wants to teach us. In order to gain an understanding of the pain we carry; we must first be willing to be honest about our pain. There cannot be any true healing without being completely honest with yourself about the pain that you have acquired from others and yourself. This does not mean that we are seeking restitution or revenge from the people who have caused us harm and pain; however, this does mean that we are holding them accountable for their actions and most importantly we are holding ourselves accountable for our honesty and healing as well.

You may be wondering, why I did not mention holding “oneself” accountable for what they have allowed into their life. I strongly believe that for far too long, people have spun the web of accountability in the wrong direction, which has landed on the lap of the individual being harmed, to take responsibility for the manipulative and harmful behavior of someone else. Society, culture, and even our loved one’s have blamed the people being harmed and traumatized for the way that they have been treated. This harmful psychology is not what accountability is or what healing pain encompasses. No one signs up to be harmed or to receive pain, and the reason why many individuals have tremendous difficulty navigating through pain, is due to the lack of prior knowledge in the areas of human behavior, personality disorders, communication disorders, manipulation, and deception. Majority of us have been completely uneducated in these areas of life, which only leaves one as prey to the predators who possess these harmful traits. So it is time that we take a more accurate approach in whom we hold accountable.

This is why it is essential that honesty remains in the forefront of your healing, because honesty is the directional compass of where the pain is localized. The second part to being honest about your pain is the ability to be corrected. Many people struggle in the area of healing, because they refuse to be corrected and redirected. There can be NO healing if there is unwillingness to be corrected. Rejecting correction, only layers the foundation for more pain to occur and unfortunately destruction of self. You must make the decision to either deal with the pain that you are carrying in life, or the pain deals with you.

There are no shortcuts to healing, you either make the conscious decision to heal continuously or suffer continuously.

When we make the conscious choice to live honestly, then we practice and develop the habit of consistently surrendering over the pain of the past, which will require you to examine your past hurts in order to heal and regain your power. However, we are only examining the past, we do not have to relive what has already occurred. When we examine, the past we are viewing it from a lens of compassion, understanding, misunderstanding(s), and forgiveness of self. We shift the focus inward. After we examine our pain, we gather it, and surrender it over to God. We make the conscious choice to no longer carry what is not ours, whether someone tried to pass on to you the spirit of fear, anger, bitterness, rejection, confusion, rebellion, hate, guilt, rage, lust, comparison, or envy; it does not belong to you. You surrender it over to God, by saying aloud to yourself “ God, I’m surrendering over this pain to you, here is ________”. Each time you say this, you are releasing the pain internally. All pain must have a voice, and so frequently we give our pain the voice of silence, which hurts us even more. Each time you give your pain over by speaking it aloud, you are cleansing your body, mind, and emotions.  After some time, with continuous practice, you will begin to feel lighter and clearer. Your eyes will see the world differently and your ears will adjust to nuances more keenly. The world will be the same, however you will be walking in new shoes. When we choose to live a life of honesty from the inside out, we are simultaneously walking away from anything and anyone who does not possess this fundamental character trait; for this is where the true blessing begins.

So, until we meet again.

Stay the course, the victory is truly already yours.

~ Joe